I'm a degenerate gambler now

First off, I am so much less sick than before. It was a rough ten days or so, but I am happy to say that although I am still coughing in a way that makes the people around me feel uncomfortable, I am feeling WAY better than before. I spent most of this past weekend laying in my bed in a codeine induced stupor. It was lovely. And it really helped.

So now I am feeling able to do things like leave the house again. It's exciting. Because a week and a half is a long time for even me to spend hiding in my cave. Yesterday, a couple friends from work invited me to go with them to the dog track.

My first reaction was, "Nah, that's ridiculous!" I had this picture in my head of what this would be like. Old men sitting around betting on the races. Picture an overweight man in his 60s, wearing a hat and smoking a cigar. His name is Stu, and something he is wearing is plaid. It might be his pants, his jacket, or his hat. I'm not sure. He might have a cane too. And he's real serious about his smoking and gambling. This is who I picture hanging out at the track. Except that there are lots and lots of him, and their names aren't all Stu. There are probably some Als, Stans, Bobs, and Charlies, and maybe even a guy named Merv. I envisioned these men in a run down and somewhat ghetto venue too.

So, you know, not really my scene.

Then someone else at work who had been there before told me that I was right, and he added "nothing but a bunch of degenerates gambling." He was pretty adamant about the degenerate part. He made a math equation for me:



Well after thinking about it, I decided it might be fun, and it would definitely be a new experience. So why not? I was feeling pretty cooped up and stir crazy by then, and I was assured there would be beer there. So off I went to the track for some nice wholesome drinking and gambling.

It was everything I imagined it would be! Those men I had pictured in my head were there. Many of them. They weren't all dressed in plaid, and smoking is banned in Arizona, so there were no cigars. However, my general idea of who I would see came true completely. There were a lot of different people there too, not just the old men though. But many men wearing hats bettin' on the dogs. Also there were some other generally sad looking world-weary folks, sitting there gambling (many of them with their kids... nice family night out...), and also a few regular looking people.

Oh yeah, and the place was similar to what I imagined. As we walked in the door, it struck me immediately how old everything was in there. And it smelled musty like a thrift store. It was a fairly drab looking place, with very bright lights and old linoleum. Someone commented that it looked like an old abandoned airport. So my run down ghetto idea was pretty much right on too.

But it was fun! My friend won $201.00 right when we arrived. He had bet on 2 dogs named "Party Starter" and "Late Night Lover" just because he liked their names. They were both total long shots. They came in 1st and 2nd. So that started things out on a high note! I didn't win as much. But I went there, spent $21 on betting and beers, and I won about $33. So the way I see it, I was paid $12 to sit outside and drink beer, and watch some dogs run by every now and then.

Usually it costs me money to go out and drink beer, so this worked out better than normal. So I will probably go back again. Some day. Not all the time though. I don't want to get hooked and lose my life savings at the track...

Also, I'm pretty sure there is some cruelty involved in the way these dogs live. I don't know the details, but I know they are never allowed to just run around and play like normal dogs, so I do feel sad about that. If the reality is more horrible than that, I don't want to know about it. That would ruin my fun.

The dogs aren't dead.

Just so no one is all upset with me, the dogs downstairs are NOT dead. I heard them earlier. They haven't been going crazy or anything (thank goodness). But they were barking a little earlier today.

Although I wanted to murder them, I would never really hurt them. Good. I'm glad we cleared that up. It has been pointed out to me in the past couple days that most people do not find dead animals funny. My only argument about this is that there are some circumstances where they are. For example, the other day someone posted something hilarious on craigslist in the FREE stuff. It was a stuffed squirrel holding what they claimed was an 8 year old severed finger. I mean a finger that had been gnawed off of its person 8 years ago, not a finger that was cut off of an 8 year old. I really have my doubts about the authenticity of this "finger." But regardless of this, it was FUCKING HILARIOUS.

To all of you that said things to me like, "Ew, it's a dead squirrel," or "severed fingers aren't funny," or "dead bunnies aren't funny," (that was an unrelated event, and no, there was no actual dead bunny) I just want to say that in the right context, HELL YEAH THEY ARE! Where is your sense of humor? Who's with me? I know I'm not alone here. It's just like dead baby jokes. A real dead baby isn't funny. But dead baby jokes are another story. Wow, I'm way off topic, huh?

Back to my original point, I tentatively would like to say thank you to my neighbor (whom I have never met) for doing whatever you did to stop this awful concert of barking. Especially because I didn't ever have to actually speak to you or confront you in any way. But of course it has only been about a week. So I reserve the right to retract this 'thank you' if they start their yapping again.

I've been having a really nice day today. I haven't left the house once. I've been chillin' at home in peace and quiet the whole day. I have said it before, and I will say it a million more times. Days off kick ass. I really wish I could have more of them. Like 100 days off. Wow. Or infinity days off. Yes. Why not dream big? Infinity days off. Indeed.

Today I haven't accomplished anything at all. Not one thing. I watched a lot of Jeopardy! in an effort to clear up some memory in my DVR. I guess that counts as being productive. I also have been watching some CSI NY that i got from netflix. Man do I love this show. I love crime dramas, especially CSI and CSI NY. They really achieved a winning combination of creepy gory corpses, mystery and intrigue, science geeky stuff, and cute boys. Lots of cute boys. Especially them. But also him and him. And several others. And CSI NY has Gary Sinise too. I don't think he's cute, but you gotta give it up for Lieutenant Dan.

That's right. I just now figured out how to add links into my writing. That's exciting for me, because I am pretty e-tarted. It was about 100,000 times easier than I imagined it would be.

Can dogs be trained to shut the fuck up????

I love dogs. I have always loved dogs. Anyone who knows me is aware that I love dogs as much as, if not more than people. And puppies? No contest.

But it is 2am. actually, 215am. I've been listening to a chorus of barking for hours now. Some asshole in my building has two dogs that NEVER stop barking. There are at least two dogs. I just went out there at 2am in my pajamas, in the cold, outside, down the stairs, to check this out. I can see those two fuckers through the window. They were pretty upset about me being there. They sure did bark at me a lot. But I've been inside for 25 minutes and they haven't stopped barking... Sigh......

So anyway, here is my question. I hate listening to these dogs bark. I mean, this is a bad situation for all of the neighbors and i can't imagine these dogs are very happy either. But mainly it's about me. I can't sleep. This is officially a problem now. Do I complain? Is there anything that can be done?

I don't complain about my neighbors. I leave them alone, and i hope that they leave me alone. My current neighbors have been super about leaving me alone. And I have never complained about anyone to the apartment manager. But I really am thinking about it now. For weeks i have been listening to hours of barking every day. If I complain to the neighbor directly, then they get pissed off at me and probably don't do anything. Right?

Is there any possible way to train a dog to stop barking? Is this possible? I don't really want to get the dogs evicted. Or god forbid have the owner forced to get rid of them. Then they end up in a shelter. I can't live with that. No. I just want them to shut up.

If anyone has any information about how to stop dogs from barking (other than surgically removing their vocal cords... or murdering them), PLEASE tell me. Do certain dogs just bark all the time? Is it because they are bored? Because they are scared? What causes this? I would like to go knock on their door with some kind of solution to suggest. Although I am on the verge of just shaking my fist and yelling, "PIPE DOWN!" while making a really mean frowny face. But I don't suppose that is likely to work.

Help!