Do the Chickens have Large Talons?

No, but the lady working at Office Max does.

I wish I had a picture. I really do. But I was afraid of her and if I had dared to try to take a picture with my phone, I think she would have clawed off my face. But she had the longest nails I've ever seen on a human being, other than that guy with the gross nails in the Guinness Book of World Records. I wonder if it's still that same picture of that same guy as when I was a kid? Hmmm.

Well anyway, the woman at the register had these nails. They were probably about 7 inches long, give or take and inch. They were curved. They looked like they would maybe curve around something about the circumference of a baseball, and would go more than half way around. They were painted gold. I couldn't tell if they were real (they can't be real! That's almost impossible to grow them that long!) or fake (no wait... they can't be fake! Who would pay money for something so monstrous! They don't even look good! No salon would do that to you! Right?).

I approached the counter to buy my pens. I was unable to take my eyes off the scary nails. I couldn't understand how she could operate a register with those things. Then I saw. Her other hand, which I had not noticed before, had 2 inch long nails. So she stood there doing her job with her right hand. Scanned my pens, put them in the bag, punched keys on the register, all with the right hand. Meanwhile, she was talking to me (I don't know what she was saying, I was hypnotized by the talons) and waving her clawed left hand around in front of me as she spoke.

Wow. These nails would be nearly crippling for most people. Imagine trying to live life like that. Does she sleep with her hand in a box? If not, how does she not roll over and crush the nails and break them during the night? Does she accidentally slice her own face if she isn't careful? Can she drive a car without them getting in the way? How does she get dressed?! My nails have never been close to that long. Not even close to her "short" nails. But it was hard to do simple things like open a beer can, use the phone, set my alarm clock, change the channels on the tv. Basically anything involving buttons is hard. This lady must be insane.

Maybe she is trying to get her picture into that book to replace the scary guy with the long curly nails. If he's still in there...