And now to lighten the mood...

I realize the that last post was a total bummer.  Sorry about that, but sometimes you just have to let it out, am I right?  

Well, I don't want everyone to be all depressed or think I hate my home.  I don't hate either of my homes, and even though I miss people and places, I am doing well.  And I suppose I should just come to terms with the fact that I am a Masshole-Zony Hybrid now, so I should just embrace the dichotomy, right?  Oh yeah, by the way:

Word of the Day:

Dichotomy:  [die-kot-a-mee] n. Division into two usually contradictory parts or opinions.  By the way, there is a good chance that I'm not exacly using that word correctly in the sentence above.  But I try.

OK, enough of my yammering and tangents.  I now present two totally unoriginal things that I have stolen off of the internet, for your amusement and mine.  You may have seen these before, but if you are from AZ or MA, give them a read again, because I know they've made me chuckle more than once.  Enjoy, and yes both halves are represented!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MASSACHUSETTS IF.....

1. You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left 

2. Stop signs mean slow down a little, but only of you want to 

3. You know how to cross four lanes of traffic in five seconds 

4. You believe using your turn signals gives away your plan to the enemy 

5. You think it's not actually tailgating unless you're touching the bumper of the car in front of you 

6. You know that a yellow light means that at least five more people can get through and a red one means two more can 

7. The transportation system is known as the "T" 

8. You could own a small town in Iowa for the cost of your house 

9. You almost feel dissapointed when someone doesnt flip you off when you cut them off or steal their parking space 

10. There are 24 Dunkin Donuts shops within 15 minutes of your house 

11. When people talk about "The Curse Of The Bambino" you just say remember that time the Red Sox made history by coming back from 3 games down against the Yankees and went on to win the world series???

12. You're amazed when traveling out of town that people at McDonalds actually speak english 

13. If you stay on the same road long enough it eventually has three different names 

14. Someone has honked at you because you didnt peel out the second the light turned green 

15. You have honked at someone because they didn't peel out the second the light turned green 

16. All the potholes just add to the excitement of driving 

17. You think if someones nice to you they either want something or they are from out of town and lost

18. Six inches of snow is considered a dusting 

19. Three days of 90 degree heat is definately a "heat wave" 63 degrees is "on the warm side" 

20. You cringe everytime you hear some actor/actress imitate the "Boston Accent" on TV or in a movie, if you don't have it then you're never going to get it even if you were born here 

21. At the ice cream shop you call chocolate sprinkles "jimmies" 

22. You can go from one side of town to the other in less than fifteen minutes and see at least fifteen losers you went to high school with doing the same thing they were doing when you saw them last 

23. It is raining and/or snowing, the person in front of you is going 70, and you're still cursing them for going too slow

24. You know how to pronounce towns like Worcester, Haverhill, and Cotuit 

25. You know what they sell at a "packie" 

26.You've called something "wicked pissa"

27. You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgator 

28. You still try to order curly fries from Burger King 

29. You keep an ice scraper in your car all year round 

30. You know at least three Tony's one Vinnie, and a Frank 

31. Paranoia sets in when you can't see an ATM or CVS 

32. You think crosswalks are for wimps 

33. You've bragged about saving money at The Christmas Tree Shop 

34. You know what "regular coffee" is, and you order iced coffee in January

35. You can navigate a rotary without a problem 

36. You have been to Fenway Park 

37. You refer to the New York Yankees as the Evil Empire

38. You feel the rest of the world needs to drive more like you 

39. When someone calls you a "masshole" you take it as a compliment 

40. You use the words "wicked" and "good" in the same sentence 

41. You know what a frappe is 

42. Saint Patrticks Day is your second favorite holiday 

43. You are proud to drink Sam Adams and think that the rest of the country owes Bostonians a thank you 

44. You never say "Cape Cod" you say "the cape" 

45. You went to Old Sturbridge Village and Plymouth Plantation in elementary school 

46. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day 

47. You have a special place in your heart for the Worcester Firefighters 

48. You know the Mass Pike and 128 are some strange weather dividing lines 

49. You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language. 

50. You've gone from I-95 South to I-93 North by driving in a straight line and never changing direction. 

51. You understand everything just said and passed it on to other massholes 

52. You know you're from Mass when you give directions that cite land marks that USED to be there...

You bang a left at the lights, and then you drive just past where the old farm was... the one that used to have the giant catepillar in front... and then you take a wicked sharp right to where the movie theater used to be...

* * * *

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM ARIZONA WHEN.....

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees.

You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.

You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.

You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.

You can make sun tea instantly.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter.

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.

You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, Cholla, Gila and Tucson.

You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.

You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves

You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!"

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

Most homes have more firearms than people.

Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?"

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.

You take rain dances seriously. 

When a rainy day puts you in a good mood. 

When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter. 

You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. 

You "hug" a cactus only once in your lifetime. 

When you have to look up "mass transit" in the dictionary.

A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. 

A haboob happens.

Petrified doesn't mean scared.

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You've lived in AZ your whole life and have never been to the Grand Canyon 

You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. 

you realize that snowbirds aren't really birds at all, but just really bad out of state drivers that you learn to hate

there are only two temperatures, hot and hotter

even thinking about not having air conditioning makes you sweat

you travel out of state and any sort of humidity nearly kills you

*you have no idea why 48 other states (Hawaii doesn't do it either) insist on changing their clocks twice a year for this thing called "daylight savings time"

(For the record ~ I do not know of this Christmas Tree Shoppe phenomenon.  I think this is something that started after I moved away, and I'm ok with that.  And I do not know what a "haboob" is, and I have never hugged a cactus.  Thank you, that is all.)

I am, I said

I'm not sure what triggered it.  It seems like I would be free of this by now, after over 13 years (13 years?  Yikes!).  But for some reason, today, I feel homesick.  I know that if I were to get on a plane and go home to Massachusetts right now, I would probably want to leave within less than 24 hours.  After a couple of days there, I get homesick all over again... for Arizona.

Nonetheless, I have had this vague gloomy feeling all day today.  It's OK, I will recover.  I always do.  But it made me start to think about my current life and location.  I do really like Arizona.  At this time of year, it's hard not to like it.  It was 78 degrees today.  It is January.  Right now it is 20 degrees back in Sudbury.  If I were there, I would be wearing lots of layers and would probably have a blanket on, and I would still be cold, in a house that has the heat "turned up."  Here, I drive in my car, in January, with the windows open, looking at palm trees and cacti, I see flowers everywhere, and even the mountains that surround me.  The mountains used to irritate me when I moved here, but I actually think they are quite pretty now.

I almost feel like I belong here.  But not exactly.  Various things will just never feel right about this place.  One of these things is the fact that everyone seems to eat mexican food all the time.  I have nothing against mexican food.  But do we always need to eat mexican food?  Does anyone really need mexican food EVERY DAY?  I certainly don't.  Another thing is the smell of the rain.  True, it does not rain often.  But when it does, there is a very distinct Arizona smell afterwards.  Like dirt.  It's not pleasant.  Back home, there is a distinct smell after it rains too.  I suppose we're smelling wet eart in both places.  I guess I just prefer the smell of New England dirt?  I'm not sure, but I hate the rainy smell here, and I always remember that this is not home when I smell it.

About a month ago, I saw a squirrel.  This was really exciting!  It was on the ASU campus.  I have NEVER seen a squirrel in this city, in 13 years.  Not one.  I'm sure this squirrel got lost somehow.  Maybe it rode into town on a truck filled with christmas trees and got stuck here?  Not sure.  It made me so happy to see it.  But then I thought about 13 years with no squirrels.  Or any other random wild animals running around outside.  No raccoons, opossums, deer, foxes, groundhogs...  Well, I guess there are the little bunnies.  And occasional ducks, and very rarely coyotes.  But it's not the same...  not the same...  I do miss the animals.

This feeling like I don't really belong in either place, and my homesickness, made me think of Neil Diamond.  I just lost you, didn't I?  Haha.  Well, one if my favorite songs by the great Mr. Diamond is "I am I Said."  I think he was sitting somewhere having the same weird mood as I am now when he wrote that song.  It's about a restlessness that doesn't make sense.  A sadness he doesn't understand, and the lonely feeling it brings, because, as they say, "You Can Never Go Home."

Well I'm New York City born and raised,

But nowadays I'm lost between two shores.

L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home.  

New York's home, but it ain't mine no more...

Of course my locations are different, but it's the same general idea.  I'm listening to this song right now, since I was thinking about it and thought, I should hear this NOW!  Ahh yes, I do love me some Neil Diamond.  And I absolutely love my ipod!  I got an ipod for christmas and it's fabulous.  And it might just be the thing to fix this momentary funk I've been in today.  It makes me happy.  So does listening to Neil Diamond, since I'm clearly in a Neil Diamond mood.  Besides, if you can't be cheered up by Sweet Caroline, then you aren't totally human.

See, I feel better already! :)

Not dead yet...

Just lazy and sorry for not updating for a long time.  I've been tempted to go on some rants from time to time lately, but I tried not to bore and annoy everyone with my political tyrades.  Now that I have calmed down from my election induced frenzy, I will say Yay Obama!  And Boo hiss to anyone who voted for constitutional amendments that restrict fellow Americans' equal rights.  I will leave it at that, for now.  Warning: more rants may follow...

I don't really have any exciting news or amazing stories to tell.  At least nothing I can think of right now at this late hour (I really need to learn how to go to bed at a normal time).  But my "fanbase" actually complained that I haven't written for a while so I thought I should make an appearance in the blogosphere. 

Recently I have been pondering something, and maybe someone who reads this can tell me.  Please?  Why do toilets in public places have seats with a gap in the front?  They are sort of an oval U shape.  (Why am I describing this?  I'm pretty sure you all know what I am talking about.)  But no one ever has a toilet seat like that in their bathroom at home.  Regular house toilet seats go all the way around.  There must be an explanation for this.  Curious.  No?  Are the U shaped toilet seats cheaper?  Then why don't we all get the cheaper ones?  I can't think of any functional difference, can you?  Please share any wisdom you have on this topic.  You'd be suprised and pretty disappointed in me if you knew how much time I have spent thinking about this...

Now I really have to go to bed though.  But I leave you with this, the Word of The Day (I'm bringing the word of the day out of retirement, yay!):

Strew   Yes.  Strew.  We all have heard this word in some form.  "You could tell it was finals week by the number of papers and books strewn across every surface of her living room."  Strewn, as in scattered, spread, dispursed.  But have you ever heard or used the word in any other tense?  To Strew.  Strews.  Strewing.  Strewing does not sound like a word, but I recently learned it is.  Strewing!  Haha!  I'm not sure why this was as funny to me as it was, but there you are.

Blunt force trauma to the head sucks. Who knew?

So I have been out and about a lot lately... there has been a lot of debauchery and beer, and general madness the past couple weeks.  I have been out of my cave a lot.  I am tired and my liver might fall out soon.

Most recently, I went to Sacramento this past weekend to go to a party.  That's right.  I flew to another city just to go to a party.  Cuz that's how I roll.  (hahahahaha...)  

We all know that I tend to hurt myself when I am drinking.  Minor injuries abound in my life.  I run into things, fall down a lot, twist joints the wrong way.  Cuts, scrapes, bruises, burns, and mysterious aches are very common. 

After 9 days during which I was drinking heavily 5 times, I have several bruises, a slightly messed up knee and wrist, and some blisters.  These are mostly just from walking.  Yep.  I am so retarded I can't even walk without hurting myself.  The wrist thing?  I have no idea what I did to my wrist...

But the worst battle wound of all came from CLEANING.  Sober.  Just picking up a cup or something off the floor, I stood up and smashed my head on the cabinet door that was above me.  See, in Sacramento, the cabinets are all sneeky and they move around opening all over the place and positioning themselves right above you.  So careful if you go there.  

And be careful if you're cleaning too.  Because that's what I was doing and, man, was that ever a mistake.  You don't realize what a threat to your safety these menial tasks can be until it's too late.  I'm just trying to help.  Cleaning is dangerous.

Seems that when you cut your scalp, it bleeds like crazy.  So I was sure I was in some deep shit for a few minutes there.  Lots of blood.  But it finally stopped bleeding and is just a very painful lump.  It's not cool.  I do realize any smart person would have gone to a doctor to get this checked, but nah...  I probably don't have brain damage.  And if I do, what are the chances I would damage part of the 10% that I use?  I'm pretty sure the odds are only 1 in 10.  Or something like that.  So why worry about it?  I was relieved this morning when I woke up.  It's a good feeling to not die in your sleep.  

WHAT? HOW? WHAT?!?

Holy Shit. I decided to google it after writing my last post. The current world record holder for the longest fingernails is this woman, and I don't remember anything like this when I was a kid... The picture in my memory is a faded looking back and white photo of a man with nails maybe half this long, and they were all curly, wavy, like kinda cork-screwy. This is insane.

My comments and questions about the Office Max lady still stand, but they are multiplied by like a thousand for this lady. I mean, this is... How? How can you live with nails like that? Can she eat? She can't hold silverware. Can she wash her hair? There's no way! WTF?

And I add one thought: How does she pee? If she can even unzip her fly... well then what? Drip dry? That would bring a new meaning to 'personal' injury. Ha ha ha... I'm so clever... :)

Do the Chickens have Large Talons?

No, but the lady working at Office Max does.

I wish I had a picture. I really do. But I was afraid of her and if I had dared to try to take a picture with my phone, I think she would have clawed off my face. But she had the longest nails I've ever seen on a human being, other than that guy with the gross nails in the Guinness Book of World Records. I wonder if it's still that same picture of that same guy as when I was a kid? Hmmm.

Well anyway, the woman at the register had these nails. They were probably about 7 inches long, give or take and inch. They were curved. They looked like they would maybe curve around something about the circumference of a baseball, and would go more than half way around. They were painted gold. I couldn't tell if they were real (they can't be real! That's almost impossible to grow them that long!) or fake (no wait... they can't be fake! Who would pay money for something so monstrous! They don't even look good! No salon would do that to you! Right?).

I approached the counter to buy my pens. I was unable to take my eyes off the scary nails. I couldn't understand how she could operate a register with those things. Then I saw. Her other hand, which I had not noticed before, had 2 inch long nails. So she stood there doing her job with her right hand. Scanned my pens, put them in the bag, punched keys on the register, all with the right hand. Meanwhile, she was talking to me (I don't know what she was saying, I was hypnotized by the talons) and waving her clawed left hand around in front of me as she spoke.

Wow. These nails would be nearly crippling for most people. Imagine trying to live life like that. Does she sleep with her hand in a box? If not, how does she not roll over and crush the nails and break them during the night? Does she accidentally slice her own face if she isn't careful? Can she drive a car without them getting in the way? How does she get dressed?! My nails have never been close to that long. Not even close to her "short" nails. But it was hard to do simple things like open a beer can, use the phone, set my alarm clock, change the channels on the tv. Basically anything involving buttons is hard. This lady must be insane.

Maybe she is trying to get her picture into that book to replace the scary guy with the long curly nails. If he's still in there...

Why I hate Starbucks

It might seem weird to interrupt the vacation tales with this post about Starbucks, but it will make sense later.

There are many things I dislike about the evil coffee empire. I will make a list:

The Top 10 Reasons I Hate Starbucks

10. Too expensive for coffee that isn't even fresh ground. I can make fresher coffee myself.

9. Their regular coffee often tastes bitter to me, like it has been burnt. Maybe I just have idiots working at my local Starbucks. But it seems like if you are a coffee place, you should be able to make coffee without fucking it up. They should know not to boil the coffee. Tsk tsk.

8. Have you ever been at a Starbucks found yourself looking out the window at another Starbucks? I have. I've been to more than one Starbucks that was in view of a second Starbucks. Starbucks Starbucks, everywhere a Starbucks. Enough already. Sheesh.

7. The pseudo-chill atmosphere. A coffee place with couches and comfy chairs to sit in... this sounds fabulous to me. I love to go get coffee and laze there on a couch reading or talking to people in a relaxing place. At Starbucks, it's like they tried to recreate that scene, but failed. It comes across as terribly corporate to me. I don't find the place relaxing at all. Or comfy.

6. Lame trendy music. I don't really care if John Maher has a new CD. I also don't care if someone from American Idol does either. If I did care, I would go to a music store to buy it. I don't think I would go to Starbucks. Same applies to any other crap they are trying to shovel down my throat in that place.

5. Iced Caramel Macchiato. This is a drink that should not exist. This is terrible. I Did not know what a Macchiato was. I just thought to myself, "Mmmm Caramel!" It was so bad I had to go back and ask them what the fuck happened to my coffee. My understanding now is that a cafe macchiato is espresso with a small amount of milk in it. Like a latte but with a lot less milk. But it seems that according to Starbucks, it means "upside down drink with almost no espresso." Their concept of the macchiato is that you have a cup of milk, then you pour espresso into it. For some reason, you don't stir it. And if it's a caramel macchiato, you then pour in caramel syrup. Again, no stirring. A hot macchiato sounds slightly ok, but still not really. But Iced? You take cold milk, pour in a barely detectable amount of espresso, and then glob in some caramel syrup that hardens in the cold milk and sinks to the bottom. They shouldn't let people order that. Also, I think someone should let them know that they got it backwards. The real idea of the macchiato (at a real coffee place) is to have espresso, with a touch of milk. Who wants milk with a touch of espresso?

4. The customers are douchebags. NOT ALL OF THEM. OK, don't all get in a huff. We all go to Starbucks, it's impossible to never go there if you are a coffee drinker. We are not all douchebags. But honestly, how many people can you stand to see in one place who are ordering a coffee while checking an email on their blackberry, and/or talking on their cell phone with one of those ear piece things? I'm sorry, but if you are out in a public place interacting with live human beings who are THERE in FRONT of you, and at the SAME TIME you are also talking to someone else on a ridiculous looking cyborg-esque bluetooth thing, you are a douchebag. If I am not at work and I hear you saying things like "at the end of the day," "think outside the box," or "win-win situation," then you are a douchebag. It seems that every time I go to Starbucks, there is at least one of these idiots near me. And as much as I dislike the staff at Starbucks (see below), I feel sorry for them when they are trying desperately to move the line along, but you are too busy "troubleshooting" with your team to FUCKING ORDER YOUR COFFEE ALREADY!

3. The cups are leaky. OK, I've only had this happen twice, but I can't think of another Starbucks grievance to air, and a 'top 10 list' is just more snappy than a 'top 9 list'...

2. The Blatantly Insincerely Super Friendly Staff. "HI THERE! (**GRIN**) HOW IS YOUR DAY GOING? IS IT GREAT? ARE YOU SUPER EXCITED?" This was literally how I was greeted last week when I went to get a coffee. Um, no, I am not SUPER excited. I am normal excited. Which, since I am standing in a Starbucks means I am not even a little bit excited actually... And I know you aren't Super Excited either. You are at work. Your job is to feed people caffeine all day. Let's be honest. It's not SUPER exciting. I don't mean to imply that they should be cranky assholes. No. They have a service job, so some friendliness is required. But there is a limit to how friendly people should be. When everyone at every Starbucks on earth is so over the top exuberantly thrilled to see you, every time you go in there, it's obvious that their corporate employer has made it a policy that they have to be that way. If I needed someone to act "SUPER" excited and wear a pasted on smile, I would go see clowns at the circus.

1. THE SIZES OF THE DRINKS. What the fuck? Can't we just have small, medium and large? Tall. Grande. Venti. I have to feel like an asshole when I order my coffee? Since I live in an English speaking country, I feel retarded asking for a Grande or Venti drink. I don't even know if Venti means anything relating to coffee or a size. It is apparently the Italian word for Twenty. "I'll have a twenty iced mocha!" No. That's nonsense. The smallest drink on the menu is "Tall." WHAT THE FUCK? Anyone with a shred of sanity can't put up with this. I heard once that they also have a secret size, the "Short." But it's a secret, so it is not on the menu. If they would put it on the menu I could maybe get on board with the Tall coffee. If they have short, why don't they tell us about it? Again, WHAT THE FUCK? I just want coffee. I don't want a dictionary and secret insider knowledge in order to be able to order the right size, for fucks sake. One of my general pet peeves is places that have drinks sized "Medium, "Large," and "Extra Large." NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. If it is the smallest drink you have, it is NOT A MEDIUM. it's a SMALL you fucking fucktards! I feel like Starbucks executives must not share my aggravation with this idiocy. Rather than seeing that it is illogical, they were inspired, embraced the concept, and then made it their own. Since it wasn't quite irrational enough for them, they took it to a level no one ever imagined possible. Or wanted to.

I feel better having vented about that. Now I feel like I should take a minute to mention two awesome Starbucks employees. These two guys both made my days better. I want to be fare, and so I reluctantly admit they do not ALL suck:

a. Teenager with cracking voice at Starbucks in Safeway- I was grocery shopping early in the morning, started to have caffeine withdrawal, and so I got a coffee. The boy at the counter was, again, a little too nice for my taste. He asked how my day was going, all loud and smiling. I explained that I was at a grocery store at 9am on my day off only because I had been woken up by my JOB calling me and ruining my late sleep. I was cranky. He then caught my cue to tone it down about 50 notches and was just sympathetic and thankfully stopped talking to me so damn loud. The other really cool thing was that 15 minutes later when I was at the register paying for my groceries, I spilled my coffee drink ALL OVER the place. My pants and shoes were soaked in iced coffee and it was splattered all over the ground. He saw this and felt bad, and he just came over and gave me a replacement coffee for free. Thanks Guy.

b. So funny... I was in Prague. Yes, one time I actually went to a Starbucks in Europe. The thing was that any time I tried to get extra shots of espresso in my coffee in Prague, the people seemed really pissed off at me for that. Oddly upset. So one exhausted day, I saw that green sign and decided to just get a big triple mocha and avoid having to go to three different cafes throughout the afternoon. This place was mobbed. There was about 20 people in the line. They were by default conducting business in English, because most of the customers were tourists. The line was going terribly slow. I almost left, several times. But when I finally got to the counter, this Czech guy was taking orders:

"Hello, how are you doing today and how may I please help you today?" he said in his slow eastern European drawling accent. He had that company mandated smile on his face. He kept chatting a little while he was passing my cup with the order written on it to the next person in the production line. Then he informs me "Yes. Please. This will be (some amount of money I can't remember now) for your coffee today!" I paid. Then, "Thank you very much for your business today. I hope you will be enjoying your wonderful afternoon in the city of Prague." Smiling. He repeated all of this with all of the customers.

No wonder the line was so long! There is no reason for all of that when there are so many people waiting. No way. Smile maybe, say thank you, but otherwise you just move the people along and get them out of there. And I was not at all mad at this kid. I really believe he was doing exactly what his manager told him he needed to do. And I'm sure there is an employee handbook about this too. I think he was scared to not say all this crap to us because he'd get into trouble. That poor boy. The situation was ridiculous. And there were all these other really impatient people barking orders for their skinny half-caf lattes no whip at him. He kept on with his slow deliberate script of pleasantries, with a slightly frightened smile on his face. Struggling to maintain his calm friendly demeanor in the middle of a maelstrom of noise and chaos.

That poor boy.